Our last few play sessions were incredibly intense. Mistress used electrics on me, making me scream, not the fun, playful screams, but raw, uncontrollable cries of torment. I love electrics on low settings; they give me an orgasmic sensation. But when Mistress cranks up the intensity, it becomes overwhelming, something I can no longer handle. The pain consumes my entire mind until there’s nothing left but pure agony.
Mistress reminded me that I could use my safeword, and it would all stop. But I never use my safeword. I see it as a sign of weakness. I want to endure everything Mistress gives me, every bit of pain, every moment of torture. If I can’t handle it, I feel like Mistress wouldn’t push me that far. That said, I do understand the value of a safeword.
To me, a safeword signals that our play has crossed into unsafe conditions. I’ve learned to communicate with Mistress about unsafe situations like when I’m struggling to breathe or when a rope cuts off circulation, causing me to lose feeling. When it comes to pain, though, I don’t want to stop. I know Mistress can push me beyond my limits. Her leather single-tail can slice my flesh open, the dragon cane with a single stroke, can unleash pain I didn’t know was possible.
Yet, when Mistress approaches these limits, our play becomes the most intense and intimate. I don’t want it to stop just because I couldn’t handle the pain. Our last session gave me so much. My mind feels relaxed, and I feel closer and more submissive to Mistress than ever.
But I’ve been wondering if this mindset is selfish. By refusing to use my safeword, I place all the responsibility for our play in her hands. Should I be clearer about my limits, giving her the choice to push them or honor my request for mercy?
What do you think?