Month: April 2023

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12 years of servitude

Mistress and I are now a little over 12 years together and next month we will finally marry. It is a nice moment to reflect and think about the future. Mistress has really been my savior. From childhood I already played power exchange games and my puberty was full of internet (BBS) BDSM. But I never made the step to seek a professional Dominatrix. A vanilla relationship that didn’t work out but did gave my a beautiful daughter makes the story complete.

Because of my longing for kink and didn’t want to go outside my relationship I started a kinky blog in the Netherlands. It allowed me to express my kink and it brought me closer to the femdom world in the Netherlands. This is also how I came in contact with Mistress as she was announcing her visit to The Hague on twitter. For me it clicked immediately her open way of talking, her beautiful smile, her view on the world and above all she is 100% a dominant woman in everything she does. The submissive man inside me was awoken.

It took some time before I united myself of my previous life but halve a year later I was ready to see Mistress. Of course things where not that straight forward. Mistress had multiple lovers, slaves,… a complex social life. As with many subs it was love at first sight from the male perspective. I was at first, yet an other man in her life that wanted something from her. I just wanted her attention, I didn’t mind the others as long as I was with Mistress. Mistress quickly understood my kinks and every time I left her with her marks on my body. Hoping that they would last till the next time I would see her.

The only thing I could do was try to proof myself to Mistress. I am obedient, I listen to her, I help where I can, I am patient, I am grateful for her attention and I truly love her. My first birthday was the most special birthday I ever had, Mistress collared me. It was so special to me, because it was the first commitment from Mistress to me. You are mine now, no playing around, you are owned. I cried from happiness and still every time she collars me I find it such an intimate moment.

Over the years we just we grew closer and closer together, of course we had our bumps in the road. But even that gave us more insights in each other. For the first time in my life I can say I truly love a partner and I can’t imaging a life without her. So I am so happy that we finally getting married next month.

The big question of course, why, will it change anything? I don’t think so, for me it is just yet an other way to say, I love you I want to be with you whatever life trows at us. I believe that together we are stronger and more powerful then apart. We are having a Female Led Relationship and that doesn’t mean I don’t have a say. Mistress always listen to my arguments only the final decision is hers. It matches so perfectly with how I am, I don’t want big discussions, I speak my mind and then a decision is made by Mistress and we stick to it.

Over the years I understand Mistress kinks and mine better and better. We don’t play all the time but there is always a level of servitude I have for Mistress. I cook, clean, help her dress, do the shopping get her drinks and many more small things. Any mistake in this area will result in punishment. Punishment is so different then play. I love impact play and Mistress knows exactly how to dance around my limits. When I was a good boy she will push me over the line till I find mercy in sub space. This is such an beautiful moment with Mistress. My mind disconnects from the pain, I feel happy and loved in Mistress her embrace.

That brings me to my ultimate kink and that is power exchange. Feeling the power of Mistress when she pushes my limits, when I suffer beyond pleasure. It is such a contradiction in my mind, why is the woman that I love doing that to me and please don’t stop making me suffer Mistress. This can be with the whip but I feel her feminine power the most when she teases me in chastity. When we both lust for each other but for some reason she enjoys my suffering more then making love to me. How can I not love this woman?

So will marriage change our dynamic? No, we are constantly in flux but our base is solid and build on mutual respect. I love her, I trust her with my life. I hope to create many more memories with her both in vanilla as in kink. I hope she will push me out of my comfort zone to discover new pleasures. I can only offer to trust her, to accept with open mind so she can explorer her own kinks and limits. I am sure in her love and feel comfortable in our FLR, she is the woman that beats me.

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Labels, titles and their meaning.

Just a disclaimer in front, this blog reflect my views on the subject and not that of my Mistress. In this case she doesn’t fully agree but she is kind enough to let me express my thoughts.

On twitter there is a lively discussion at the moment about who should call themself a Dominatrix and who an escort with kinky services. Of course all synonyms of the terms are used.

The main point is should the term Dominatrix be protected to these that only offer domination services and no personal services?

Of course there are no legal grounds to protect any of the sex workers titles. Although that would be the solution. If a dominatrix could say, I have a PHD in domination with a specialty in whipping, that could be protected. I do see kink entering the vanilla world we are far from this situation.

So where are we in this day and age? You see devaluation of titles all around us. Even the once given by nature, like male and female , are becoming more blurred. It is the natural evolution of human nature and we have never been able to stop this. It helps us question or status quo in society and helps us to be come stronger individuals. Look at the current gen Z for many a step to far but they are striving.

So am I pleading that any thing should go? That we should forget the lessons from the past and just do whatever? No, diffidently not I am against the current tendency of narcissism and the current why the titles are used is a reflection of that. As always the truth in somewhere in the middle.

We can not protect our titles in the kinky world nor make definition of them. So it all boils down to mutual respect. Take the effort the learn each other before assuming anything. Sex workers are extremely well in stating their boundaries. Unfortunately customers are extremely good at only thinking of their own moment of pleasure.

So sex workers shouldn’t argue between each other, but support and help each other. See your work for what it is. It is highly specialized and is not something you can do without education. This can be self education by studying your peers but a better way in my opinion is to become an apprentice and learn the craft by an experienced Dominatrix or Escort.

To come back to the original question, yes I do think you can combine domination and personal service and still call yourself a Dominatrix. We shouldn’t enforce definitions they are only valid in our point of view. By objecting to them we close ourselves to others.

On the other hand I also believe that a relationship with a Dominatrix is way more intimate without personal services. Tease and denial is the core to power exchange. It is amazing the pleasure you find in just being close to your Mistress. It is pleasure that can go on forever while an orgasm is just a few seconds. So just take your time learn each other pleasures, limits and above all respect them. Life will be so much more pleasureful than arguing about a definition.