The Mixed feelings about Chastity

On my blogs I already wrote a lot about chastity. That is not so strange because it is a powerful tool in any Female Led Relationship. As men we are programmed to spread our seed as often as possible. I am no exception to that. For years every day I started the day with a wank even when I was in a relationship and intercourse was a possibility I still wanked a lot just as a habit, it was part my routine.

When Mistress came in my life one of the first things she said was no cumming without permission. At first I taught it was hot, I was craving all my life to be controlled by a powerful dominatrix and Mistress fulfilled my wishes and more. After a few months and not being with Mistress all the time, I made my mistakes. Mistress responded quickly with severe punishment and of course for the first time chastity. A bon4 silicon with a plastic lock so I am still able to fly to Mistress and back to Holland.

From that moment chastity has been a big part of our D/s relationship. Mistress likes the control it gives her and I really like to be controlled by Mistress. It gives me a feeling of being owned. I really feel hers when I am locked and it feels good to have somebody that takes care of me. It also puts me at ease when I am with other women, Mistresses or not. Nothing can happen, I am claimed and locked.

On the other side, chastity is really difficult, the not cumming I can deal with that is for my Mistress. But the chastity cage also prevents a good sleep and that has effect on everything. I am always tired and can’t process the daily events during my R.E.M. sleep. It results that I am emotional, grumpy and have difficulties to concentrate. That has an effect on my work and friendships.

But more important is that it effect my thinking about Mistress. When I am lock with her it is fine, she corrects me when I have a difficult time and the whip is a great mind changer. When she is for months in the Middle East enjoying herself with her rich clients and toy boys my mind can go very dark. It always scares me and I am so afraid that one day I will do something stupid. I always have to calm myself down and remind me that she loves me and that it will be fine when we are back together.

But I wouldn’t want to miss it in our relationship. I think my Mistress is the most beautiful woman in the world and I crave her touch. But when I am in chastity and she teases me till I cry. The extreme power she has over me and the love I feel for her is one of the most beautiful things in my life. So thank you for controlling me my Mistress.

77 days locked

On May 25th Mistress ordered me to be locked. As written in my previous blog I am used to be locked when Mistress travels. But this is the longest I ever been locked for my Mistress. The record was 48 days and we are now at day 77. I spent all that time except for 2 weekends without Mistress.

Not only does she keeps me chaste she also makes me work out and diet. I now run every weekday for 50 minutes. It is very difficult and I have to run very slow to keep going but I can now do it with two small breaks. The result of Mistress her work is very visible I now lost 7kg.

The chastity never becomes easy. I still wake up every night in pain I haven’t had a good night sleep for the last 3 months. I am so tired and have to keep myself together not to snap at work. At the beginning I felt very submissive to Mistress and connected but that is gone.

At the moment I don’t feel submissive at all, I found my routine, waking up early, run, work being to tried to do anything in the evening. I need all my energy just to make it trough the day. Mistress didn’t sent me to an other Mistress this time. I like the pain play but it also makes me miss Mistress a good whipping resets the mind.

Mistress is now finally returning on Sunday. My current project at work is in a critical phase so I couldn’t go to London to meet her. But on Thursday we will be united again. I have to say I look forward to it but I am also scarred, will she release me or will she just tease me till I completely crack? I don’t mind loosing it, but I am scarred that Mistress will not forgive me when I do.

One month locked and counting

As always Mistress locks me in chastity when she goes on her travels. Chastity is not a fetish of mine but it makes Mistress happy and seeing Mistress happy is my biggest fetish.

I prefer using my cb6000 because it is the most comfortable during the night for me. But Mistress had told me before that she wanted me locked in the holy trainer. That is the only device I can wear without a problem at security when I fly.

The holy trainer safely in its place but that wasn’t enough for Mistress. She wanted me to go for a run every morning and send her the proof. I don’t like to run but I do whatever Mistress wants.

The first 2 weeks was just fine, I was really busy at work and lots of stuff on my head that the chastity wasn’t that big of a problem. In the 3rd week I was going to see Mistress for a few days. Just knowing that I would soon be with her made me hard most of the day and I was struggling with my chastity.

Being with Mistress and seeing her wearing my keys with pride is such a beautiful feeling. Our trip to Villa Dracone was amazing and enjoyed serving Mistress. I was graving for a good whipping and Mistress told me she was going to test me. At the end we had such a great time with Mistress Dada that Mistress only gave me a very small whipping. But it was enough to relax me.

Unfortunately our trip was only for 2 days and I flew back to Holland and Mistress to London to continue her European tour. Now we are a week later and I am struggling a lot the last few days. I am always semi hard and sleeping is impossible now. I am so tired so horny and Mistress is so far away. Nothing I can do then suffer for my Mistress knowing that she is proud of me.

The love and hate of being in Chastity

I am now 6 years in a Female Led Relationship and Mistress controlled my orgasms from the very first day. It was one of the first things she said, “no cumming without my permission”. It where a few simple words but with a huge impact. It was part of my morning shower ritual; shave, wash, wank. I didn’t really enjoyed it, it was just part of the deal. When I wasn’t tired I would often had a wank in the evening too, watching some bdsm porn. Mistress put an end to all that taking over full control over my body and mind. I liked that, it made me feel close to Mistress but of course the first year I had some hick ups. Mistress made me pay cumtax or whipped me till I promised never to cum again without her consent. That only works for a month and then I would fail her again. Mistress decided it was time for chastity. Because I fly up and down to London all the time I bought my very first bon4, the large version of course. Proudly I wore it under my vanilla clothes and all was good. The trouble was a night, every night my hard-on woke me up and I was in pain. After 3 weeks I was a broken man, horny and tired as hell. Mistress released me for the first time and I was never so great full. I felt the power she had in locking me up it was almost more than I could handle.

Chastity made me afraid. As a masochist I know how to deal with pain, pain is all consuming, it takes over your body and mind. But goes away and leaving a friendly glow of love. Chastity was a different game, it didn’t go away, stays with you for weeks, months as long as Mistress wants. There is no escape just the knowledge that you are owned by your Mistress. After the first lockup I didn’t came ever again without Mistress permission. When I am really horny I edge myself or put nipple clamps till the pain is to much. All things I deserve punishment for but the line is cumming, that is only when Mistress gives it to me.

Over the years, the desire to cum has been greatly reduced. I am not that bothered anymore with cumming, don’t get me wrong I am still a very sexual person. But release can be in so many forms. When Mistress wants an orgasm it is about that and I don’t need one in return. I am happy when I can help achieving hers. Now Mistress let me cum an average once a month and I am very happy with that.

Chastity is still a very important part of our relationship. When Mistress travels for a longer time she locks me up. I now learned that a smaller device is better for me but I will never truly get use to it. The emotions are still all over the place after just a few days locked. It is not about not cumming anymore, it is about the constant pain and sleep deprivation. I am always tired and go to bed as soon as I can. Fall a sleep in seconds but never reaches REM sleep. When I do, I get woken up by the pain. People need REM sleep to order there brain, without it they go slowing crazy.

Dealing with emotions is hard and I fail all the time. But I learned to only focus only on my love for Mistress. The wonderful relationship we have where she totally controls my body and mind. That makes me smile and makes me miss Mistress even more but does gives me a happy feeling. All negative thoughts I push to the background. That would be fine but Mistress loves to control me. She sent me a picture kissing an other boy and I’ll be crying for hours wondering if she still loves me. On the other hand just a small message from Mistress that she loves me, makes me smile for hours. It is that total control over me that Mistress loves about putting me in chastity.

Chastity is a strong tool in any form of D/s relation and I understand why so many Mistresses use it as a training tool. For me I hate the little thing that is now between my legs but when Mistress returns home after being 6 weeks in Dubai and I see her smiling with my keys between her breasts teasing me with her beautiful body. I know I am owned by a powerful Dominatrix and I love every second of it.

Join me in Chastity!

If you are not ready, you can watch some chastity clips and dream about the moment Mistress locks you too.